New term, New thing's

 A couple of weeks ago I completed a script for a class assessment.
what started out with the ideals of equality for gay civil rights (Not in a preachy kinda way) slowly manifested itself into an overall equality issue with my Antagonist promoting total Nazism.

Basically:

Our protagonist Joel lives in a hyper reality. similar to our own. where minorities who don't fit a specific attraction (Eg: white skinned and gorgeous) are severely marginalised.
these ideals have been transported into a relatable High school type scenario, where the goal is simply to make it to the "prom"

but what happens when the rights to go to prom are removed for those that don't fit the stereotype? -unfair right, I mean everyone's allowed to go to prom! what do they do?

And to top it all off, Joel's best friends happen to be a black young woman and a gay young man?

the ideals being that "Prom" represents equality in the forms of movements such as gay/black civil rights. the idea that everyone has a right to be equal apposed to a selected few who hunger for power.


- well that was the initial idea anyway. whether or not that was pulled off in the script...probably not.  However today some useful feed back was received which id like to share.

1-perhaps toning back the Nazism concentrate and focus on one equality issue instead of trying to tackle a whole bunch of them.
- I agree, in the sense that hopefully targeting just ONE (I'm going to choose gay civil rights) with provide a much thorough and deeper meaning into my story.

2-rethink the concept. keeping the themes in mind.
- the dilemma in being I am a very poor poor low budget student.....and for some reason I decided it was good idea to make a Prom scene.......hmmm well if I do keep it at least its a challenge right? haha

3- some depth to Joel's character needed. he has no motives, only his friends do really.
- so what if, perhaps if Joel was gay? and he was the sole attraction of being marginalised? maybe?
 or if I don't choose to go down that path, what are HIS motives, not his friends?

4- and lastly. to find its own NZ voice.
- as I am Kiwi, reading the script leaves you with a somewhat western feel to it. (American) which to be fair, when I wrote the script it defiantly was an imitation , almost a mockery of how American High schools are portrayed.
now this is the feedback that stumps me the most. If I wrote it with an American style, how do I evolve this to a NZ type thing.
obviously im going to end up with actors who hold a new Zealand accent when it comes into production. so that might help out.

But preferably I think I would like to give it the American vibe. and if I wish to make it a mockery perhaps play up those elements and make it clearer or harsher?

hmmm, ohwell. at the end of it I guess I have a bit of rewriting to do .......:)